Michael O'Neill Takes on the Universe


And then, the next thing O'Neill knew there was light
"What the hell, is this," he silently thought to himself,
as he arched his eyebrows with confusion
"This, Michael, is not hell." a voice boomed out,
O'Neill's ears flared out,
"Who the fuck is that, dirtbag?" he yelled, as his eyes panned from side to side
"I am," the voice said, calmly, "he who is..."
"Wait a minute," O'Neill replied, finally realizing his unusual circumstances
"Are you really God, or just some fuck-up God?"
"What do you think?" God shot back
"Eh..." he thought, "Fair enough.
I suppose that you'll be more fun to argue with than Ted.
So," O'Neill continued, looking around
"I figured that this heaven business would've been angels with harps and shit like that."
God laughed. "Heaven, is merely the totality of the universe."
"Totality?" O'Neill sneered. "Totalities are merely groups of individuals."
"That's right..." God continued, "You are a mathematician after all."
"And plus..." O'Neill quickly snapped back,
"Individuals are more interesting than any totality could ever be."
"Like how?"
"Ever see the internet?"
God tried to answer, but O'Neill kept on talking
"You can find anything on it, and any kind of sick fuck you could dream of.
Vaccuum cleaner sex accidents... Adult babies... Zebra cum shots... Amputee porn..."
At this moment, God was beginning to look disturbed.
"Do you actually like this?" God, somewhat troubled, asked
"Nah... it's just funny that other feebs actually are in to it."
"Well, Michael," God asked, "Do you want to join the totality?"
"Eh... I suppose it beats Berkeley. You don't let dirtbags in here, right?"
And then O'Neill was one